So my life has been a little lop-sided lately. My home life has been quite stressed with some family health issues. Problems in the garden.
Money, Kids, Cars, Work, you name it… things are rough. But I’ve kept an upbeat focus, almost ignorantly. I believe that if you fake it, you honestly have a better shot at making it. So I’ve kept a smile when I wanted to scream, and I’ve talked nicely when I wanted to curse.
This weekend Mothers Day didn’t go anywhere near as planned. It was a like expecting a flu virus and getting Zombiegeddon. Not cool. My wife and I both were stretched to tearing, and yet we still held on. I’m dealing with some serious stuff, and I’m quite lagged in the resources department. I’ve had problems planning things for awhile, sticking with things, dealing with those upsets and interrupts that life is famous for. And then when real problems started rearing their heads my world started to fall apart.
I’ve been dealing with issues with my step-son, for instance. He has a nasty habit of leaving the toilet seat and lid up. Now I’ve informed him that he needs to put it down. Simple. Use the toilet, put the seat and lid down. Simple. Yet it seems almost scary how often he forgets. Now when it dawned on me the danger to our 15 month old, drowning-wise, I started to get a little more firm. Still having issues. I got more firm. The problem didn’t seem to even fade. And now? Now he’s been told he’s not allowed to even LIFT the seat up and he has to sit down to use the bathroom always!
So I head into the bathroom the other day and the fricking, dod-gamn seat and lid are up!
I lost my shit. Totally lost my shit. My wife and I had a very strong disagreement over it and it basically splashed over into Mothers day effectively turning that day upside down.
Oh, I feel like an idiot. Don’t you worry.
Do I think he’s being a punk and forgetting on purpose? No. But I’m treating him like that is what he’s doing. Do I think that our toddlers life is really endangered by this activity? Well, I did. But just today I went and researched drowning in toilets and found that roughly 1% of toddler deaths are drowning in toilets. From 1996 to 1999 there were 5 toddler deaths from drowning in a toilet. So… no, I do not think that is likely anymore. But I did.
I could tear apart this ONE example of the problems I am dealing with all day. I made poor decisions and and continued making poor decisions. That’s the gist. It’s time to wake up. Get myself back in the zone.
See, I used to be IN THE ZONE. My ex contributed exactly 0% to our household running. Well, 5% if you include the occasional meals she would prepare. I did the dishes, cooking, laundry, lawncare, bills, etc. I ran the entire house and I did a fairly damn fine job of it. But doing that for years and not having it appreciated, not being respected for the amount of work I put into it, being treated like trash while doing all of that? It clicked something in me. That button clicked and I stepped aside. I gave up. I stopped.
Now… I’m beginning the rip-cord. I’m re-starting that engine.
I’m on hour 15 of my first fast in a very long time.
I don’t know if it’s the fast, or the fights, or the contemplation… but… it dawned on me. I’ve read some articles on how to parent better. They all say, “Be a Teacher Not a Warden.” And I got it. I mean you don’t be a jerk to your kids. But you still have to expect things from them, you still have to demand things of them, they still have responsibility…
So I’m gonna give a new idea a try. No punishments. Guiding instead. Lead with the carrot not the stick.
No more grounding from this or that, this and that are privileges and should be earned.
I’m not even hungry and I’ve gone since dinner last night without eating. I have quite a ways to go.
My dad is a chiropractor (keefeclinic.com) and when I asked him about how long I could safely fast, he said a water only would be roughly 2 weeks. That maybe I should consider doing Emergen-C in some of the water to help both my immune system and my brain.
So I’m not eating. I’m hoping it helps. I need some clarity. I need some peace.