TL;DR
Steampunk Wedding Couple Stiff Preacher and Perform Mental and Moral Gymnastics To Justify Their Immoral Actions

Well I just married some Steampunks

( minus the steam )

The McMillian Rule

If any part of the wedding is going to cost me any money, all funds will have to be paid up front.
So here we go…

My name is Reverend Blink… and I’ve been stiffed.

In January of 2018 I saw a post on Whisper about a couple that were doing a Steampunk wedding. I was intrigued. I thought that would be fun to be a part of. I’ve jokingly mentioned to all of the couples I’ve officiated weddings for over the years that I only ask to be reimbursed for my costs… If you need me in a suit, I need you to cover dry cleaning… If you need me in a costume (hint, hint!!) then you need to cover the rental…

I thought to myself… here’s your chance man. Surely they’ll have a top hat sitting around with gears on it. So I jumped in and mentioned that if they didn’t have a reverend, I would love to be considered.

First Mistake.

I should have left this steam-powered train wreck alone… I should never have stepped in and volunteered. But, since time travel still doesn’t exist, I’m stuck with the results of my actions. Stupid, stupid, me… trying to be nice.

January 15

And so it begins…

So at this point I have interacted strictly on Whisper. I do not remember what all I said, but it was basically… “I’m a reverend. I would love to be a part of a Steampunk wedding. Here’s my phone number.” Voila.

January 15th… they officially contact me on my cell number that I gave them.

Note: I make it very clear… I don’t do the weddings for the cash, I do it for the experience. Now I’m not wealthy, so I also can’t be out cash for a wedding. So as long as I am reimbursed for my costs, then we are all good.

Well, my only requirement is just that it doesn’t cost me to do the wedding, lol. So if a costume is needed, or like I said above on gas, if you’ll cover that… that’s all I required! Brian Scott O'keefe

Reverend, Church of the Padded Wall

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

January 16

January 25

Getting Things Started

So the Groom just wants to make sure I fit the look of their wedding. I get it. I consider myself an actor in their wedding, a part of their play. I want this to be as fun for them as it will be for me.

So things lag out a week or so, life happens. We are still months away from anything important needing to be settled unless the wedding party has particulars.

January is almost over.

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

January 25

March 13

March 18

Reverend Blink

I love this part. I think these pics are great… they show off what I consider to be my favorite part of my physique… My chest, build, and height. Yeah, if you look at the right angle I’ve got a belly and some weight showing in my neck area, but… I look good. It’s fun…

I send pictures on the 25th… and hear nothing for several weeks. I should have taken note… We’ve had a few weeks of no interest, no look at the ceremony… No feedback… Just… silence…

March 13 rolls around… I am uncertain if they are even going with me as their reverend or not. So I ask… 5 days later? I get the response. We’ve traveled through an entire month almost at this point with no moving forward really and a lot of uncertainty on my part.

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

March 21

April 17

Dreaded Household Illness Strikes

So March 21st rolls around and the Groom checks in. I’m incapacitated. With my wife ill I’m either taking time off work to run home and check on her, working my day job, trying to work my evening/weekend job, as well as watching my daughter and then some… Life is never boring in my house. At least not for me.

We’ve reached March 21st. But more importantly, we see the Groom discuss money. He doesn’t discuss any kind of tip, or barter… He flat out says:

Oh and I checked my budget and I can pay about $200 for ya 🙂 Mr. McMillian

Groom, Steampunk Wedding Party

Now he goes on to say things about ‘decking’ out my suit, and fixing it up, and he’s offered me more than I was hoping for. I’m quite ecstatic at this point. This is going to be fun! Ahhhhh… Brian… silly, naive, Brian…

They want to meet me, see the suit on me, it’s almost like a rehearsal or trying out for a part. Things appear to be better than expected.

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

April 17

April 23

May 3

Starbuck Suit Try Out

We’ve set a time and a place. We make plans to meet. They’ve said they are paying me around $200 so surely this means they aren’t struggling. This is good. I suit up and head out.

We meet, well… the groom and I meet up, the bride is apparently too busy… We have coffee… He doesn’t order anything. I get a coffee, roughly $10. He talks about how he doesn’t want his parents to know that I’m a secular officiant. I let him know it’s not a problem. He goes on, and on, about how his parents are super religious and how he doesn’t want them to know and blah… blah… blah…

Yeah. I get it.

We discuss sharing the Google Folder with him that has the ceremony so they can HOPEFULLY start to make any adjustments to the ceremony that they want. I write my ceremonies like a script to a play. I treat it LIKE a play. I want this event to be perfect for every couple I help out.

We are traveling closer… April 17 and on to the 20th… I drop my suit off at the seamstress so I can make sure some of the buttons that are loose are tightened up and strengthened. She asks for $15, I give her $20… She’s awesome and deserves it… and then we find ourselves on the 3rd. Finally they select a ceremony… Now I get to put it together…

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

May 4th

May 17

May 20

Closing In

I ask for information on the vital pieces of the puzzle that I need to complete my part of this wedding. I get the date and the new time. It’s 12… not 11 anymore. I need the Bride and Grooms full names so I can complete the ceremony. I ask for the brides email because I need to make sure she has seen the ceremony too. But no luck… so we’re doing this half-assed some more.

Mr. McMillian explains that he has no idea what he needs to do nor where he needs to go. I Mr. Miyagi him to the right floor and assure him I’ll walk him through the whole process. All he has to do is get me the license. I pick my suit up at the seamstress and drop it off at the dry cleaner on Thursday… there’s another $25 out the window.

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

May 21

Wedding Eve

So we’ve reached the day before D-day. I have had no adjustments for the ceremony. They are apparently perfectly happy with a canned ceremony, something I am NOT used to. But hey, less work for me.

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

May 22 - 08:15 AM

May 22 - 08:58 AM

D-Day but STILL no address

I grab breakfast, drop off my daughter at pre-school, fill up the tank and decide I can ask Siri to point me towards Turner Falls at least. Surely any address IN Turner Falls would pan out to require minimal adjustments by the time I get an update from the McMillians.

43 minutes later… I have an address.

As I will find out later, it’s an address to a resident living at Turner Falls. Not the wedding party… nor the location for the wedding event… but at least it’s close?

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

May 22 - 12:00 PM

Hello?

I arrive having grabbed lunch on the way. The address I was given is for a residence at Turner Falls. I hang out, assuming they will find me. Surely they are looking for me.

Nothing… I knock on the residence door…

Person answering door: “Hello?”

Rev: “Yeah, are you part of the wedding?”

Person answering door: “Wedding? No. We live here. We don’t know anything about a wedding?”

Rev: “Ah… Sorry to bother you.”

People answering door: “You might check at the front gate, they would know any weddings planned for the park.”

Great! So I head back to the front… nothing, no one knows anything. I head back. I park at the address they sent me… I text… Nothing…

So I wait…

It’s roughly 15 minutes later and I notice people dressed up fairly steampunkery in the distance. I decide to head in their direction. It’s small groups walking… 2 and 3 people. Heading in a general direction. Suddenly, Mr. McMillian notices me and comes up…

Mr. McMillian: “Hey man, where have you been?”

Rev: “I texted you and I’ve been waiting. The address you gave me was for people that live here, they knew nothing about the wedding.”

Mr. McMillian: “Oh man, I’m so sorry. That is totally my bad. I didn’t have my phone on me either so I didn’t know you texted either.”

Rev: “No worries. I just need a room to change in.”

Finally he stops talking with other people long enough to to point to where a cabin would be for me to change in. I have to walk back to my car, drive to the cabin, and within 10 minutes I’m dressed and ready for the ceremony.

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

The Day Of

The Steampunk wedding proceeds. The weather is decent, warm, muggy, but windy so it’s not too bad. Turner Falls seems a nice enough location to hang out, stay cool, swim and relax. All-in-all? It was nice.

Event Details

Date: 22 May 2018
Time: 12:00 pm
Location: Turner Falls, Ok

Weather

Temperature: 92°
Rain: 0%
Humidity: 12%
Wind: 3mph

The Wedding

So I get to the location for the ceremony. People are still arriving. It’s up a string of stairs, on a platform that is whats leftover from someones house built a hundred years ago, or so. It’s very cool. Roughly 30 minutes later everyone has arrived, I no longer feel bad that they gave me the wrong address. They are busying around getting things setup still. I watch flower arrangements get moved around, peoples seating get adjusted…

The ceremony starts… goes wonderfully… and it’s finally over.

I now pronounce you Punk and Punkette… no steam involved.

( don’t worry, it’ll all make sense shortly. )

We wander over to the hangout area… They’ve set up some benches, cake, food and a reception is forming. I ask a few people that were a part of setting things up whether I can be of assistance but everything appears to be in order. So I go change into street clothes and wait in the reception area.

While I’m waiting I chat with Mr. McMillian and share that I do portraiture artwork. I show my work and share that I would love a chance to do a Steampunk drawing if they can get me a photo with a high enough resolution. They seem interested, say they’ll get me a few photos to pick from.

After food the couple bring the marriage license and witnesses to get the last of the requirements cleared up. We sign the license… Mr. McMillian tells me, “Hey man, I’ll paypal you a tip later tonight.” I tell him if he wants to, he can “Family & Friends” it and there is no fee. He kind of nods and then he’s gone…

My time is over… I’m not needed any longer… so I head on home.

May 22 - 3:31 PM

May 22 - 6:43 PM

May 22 - 8:33 PM

May 22 - 9:27 PM

Entertaining Guests

So before I leave, I make sure to send him my paypal. Since I’m out cash at this point for this wedding, and since we already discussed that ‘at the least’ I need to be reimbursed those costs, AND since he had already said he had $200 set aside for me already… Well. The fun is just beginning.

I arrive home… 3 hour drive.

I check my paypal and nothing. Ok, frustration. He said he had $200 for me, I work with PayPal as part of my business building websites and I have paid people while riding an elevator 3 floors before. You open the app, hit the button, type the amount, pick the person, hit send… done.

What’s the hold up?

( dark chuckle… oh the hold up is going to be the punchline everyone )

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

May 23 - 5:02 PM

May 23 - 6:15 PM

Slight Delay on Filing

So Wednesday rolls around. I had intended to run the license, by hand (like I prefer to do) but I forgot that my landlord had scheduled an Appraiser to come check out our house. They are getting a refinance on our house and needed that. Well no big deal, we have 5 days to get the license filed. I’ll get it tomorrow.

I let Mr. McMillian know…

I also notice that Paypal hasn’t shown anything… It’s the next day… I’m out the money I’ve spent, and technically? I took a day of vacation. Now I had planned on enjoying that time while I was at the wedding, I was going to enjoy the drive, etc… But, I’m going to add that day of vacation on here because Mr. McMillian is rubbing me ALL the wrong ways at this point.

I mention that I would appreciate payment please.

So far… he said he would do it on the day. He didn’t. I reminded him that night. He said it would be the next day.

We have arrived at the next day… he still hasn’t paid.

I’m out money here… the ONE thing I needed to make sure was respected is NOT being respected. But… we could just be dealing with newlywed brain and I’ve experienced that in life.

Let’s wait and see…

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

May 24 - 2:02 PM

Marriage License Is Delivered

I deliver the marriage license. Still no paypal.

But… despite wanting to rail at them? I’ve mentioned it twice so far, surely that is all that is needed. I’ll SURELY get it tomorrow… on Friday.

Surely…

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

May 25 - 1:44 PM

May 25 - 2:14 PM

May 25 - 2:34 PM

May 25 - 7:31 PM

Excuses, Excuses…

So at this point… I’ve done everything I have been asked to do.

And then some.

It’s 3 days later. I was promised $200 and I made plans for Wednesday based on having that money in hand. I’ve had to cancel those plans. I’m irritated. I get that they are on their honeymoon but I made clear what was required to have me as their Reverend. He assured me on the day of the wedding that he would pay me THAT day. So I moved forward under that understanding.

Man… I was WAY off…

I get a fistful of excuses. More promises. I am beyond frustrated. I run my own business so I know how simple paying someone is. If I don’t pay someone, it’s because I don’t have the money yet. I’m starting to think I might be dealing with dead beats. But it actually gets even better…

Mr. McMillian promises me… PROMISES… that he is JUST having issues with the bank. He will Pay. Me. Tomorrow.

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

May 25 - 11:25 PM

Promises Shattered

So we are only as good as our word.

Mr. McMillian shares just how good his word is.

Are you ready for Moral Circque De Soleil? Because this lovely Steampunk Couple give us some moral, mental, and wordy gymnastics that would put the worlds best to shame.

So now… It’s not about what they promised, now we are suddenly ignoring every discussion where I mention “my time is free” but I need to be reimbursed.

As he recalls“… No, a tip was never mentioned until the very day of the wedding where he said he would use PayPal’s ‘tip’ option to pay me. I assumed at the time it was because the ‘tip’ option was similar to Family & Friends where the fee is waived or lowered. But no… he wants to consider any money he discussed to NOW be a tip.

Shall we revisit the quote at the very top…?

Well, my only requirement is just that it doesn’t cost me to do the wedding, lol. So if a costume is needed, or like I said above on gas, if you’ll cover that… that’s all I required! Brian Scott O'keefe

Reverend, Church of the Padded Wall

But let’s keep reading, shall we?

the Agreed $100 was supposed to be a tip,” right?

Um… another revisit? 

Oh and I checked my budget and I can pay about $200 for ya 🙂 Mr. McMillian

Groom, Steampunk Wedding Party

Looks like the facts don’t support you, Mr. McMillian. 

But let’s keep going…

Since they had time to sit down, on their honeymoon, they’ve received “nothing but complaints” about me? Oh, it’s laughable. It would be funny if it wasn’t disgusting.

 

  1. You gave me the wrong address. Did you mention this to the hordes of ravenous visitors complaining about my being 20 minutes late? *rolling eyes*
  2. Is there a reason why I found you wandering around directing people where to go to get to the wedding area roughly 15 minutes after I texted you? What about the fact that after I get to my spot at the wedding we wait another 30 minutes before anyone even contacts the bride to find out where she is? 
  3. You mention I didn’t show up early, yet you never asked for me to arrive early. That was literally never discussed. I’ve done roughly 2 dozen weddings in my almost-decade of being a minister and I’ve weddings where they wanted rehearsals, dinners, etc. and they always asked me to be places at a certain time. But the Steampunk wedding? Nothing…
  4. As for me making anyone wait? That’s patently ridiculous. The room I changed in had other people in it changing for the wedding that were in the wedding party. There isn’t a facepalm big enough.

We agreed upon a ceremony at 12! You did not meet those expectations.

Let’s play your silly game… Let’s pretend that I’ll ignore ALL of the facts. Let’s lay the blame for you giving me the wrong address on me, for not responding to my text trying to find you, let’s make me responsible for finding the wedding party at a location I have never visited before… Let’s do the massive, and exhausting mental gymnastics necessary to respond to your ridiculous statement.

I. Still. Officiated. Your. Wedding.

Even if I was late, even if I was severely late, you are STILL married now because I made a 6-hour roundtrip, spent gas, paid for dry cleaning, took a day of vacation, bought food, and more…

This isn’t Dominoes Pizza… You don’t get the Pizza free if it’s late.

Your obligations aren’t wiped free because some arbitrary point of order isn’t to your liking…

Ridiculous.

And in the aftermath of that you barked up our heels for cash while we where not in the position to do so.

The “AFTERMATH” of the late Reverend… I’m not making this shit up. Oh dear mother of god… It’s funny. It’s high school… it’s literal teenage melodrama. I just… I can’t even.

Barked up your heels?

You mean when you promise me you will pay me on the day and then don’t… and I ask for it the next day? and then two days later? That’s barking?

Oh dear lord kid… You are gonna have a whirlwind of hell living under horrible bastards like Car Insurance, Utility Bills, and the AFTERMATH OF RENT PAYMENTS!!!

Ugh.

I’m sorry that you are financially ill advised or just not that responsible with day to day income but as of now, that is no longer my problem!

Thank you!

The McMillians. Mr. McMillian

Groom, Steampunk Wedding Party

Financially Ill Advised? You mean, I took you at your word?

My Bad.

Not that responsible with day-to-day income? Wow! This is incredible… and this is where I see the teenage thought processes step in. This kid hasn’t grown up enough to accept responsibilities… He’s happy to drop his responsibilities, his word means nothing to him, and instead of acknowledging that he fucked up… He feels some sort of weird need to make assessments of my life that are… well, for lack of a better word for it, shitty. But more importantly… irrelevant. Even if I was a horrible manager of my own money, he still promised to pay me… and now he is reneging on his promise.

The Douchery Level is off the charts…

The Reverend Blink is now changing how I do ALL future weddings. Almost a decade of doing weddings without a single complaint, like literally ever, and then this.

Well… I got nothing.

I have, however, instigated “The McMillian Rule” whereby if I foresee any wedding involving costs that I will have to pay… I will require that money up front.

Thank you McMillians for making clear to me how shitty some people can be. I have learned my lesson and taking people at their word was rather naive of me. When you said you had money to pay, that you would pay me, I still should have gotten it all up front.

Good luck on starting out your marriage on such a lovely note.

 

あなたの結婚があなたの名誉と同じくらい強くなるようにしましょう。

Brian Scott O'keefe

Reverend, Church of the Padded Wall

Cost to me so far

Wedding Couple Douchery

My Excitement Level

Peace, Love and Punks

I’m out boys and girls. The Reverend is exhausted at dealing with douchery on such a level. But I’ll be fine…