This is why we can’t have nice things

I’ve driven some shitty cars in my life. Everything from a Geo Metro, to cars I don’t even know the make and model of. But living the life I have… with an overly-dramatic love life… I’ve found it’s difficult to get behind the wheel of a vehicle I like when that usually means allowing every other aspect of my world to crash and burn.

So vehicles have always played second fiddle to medical needs, neurology visits for my sick spouse, psychiatric care for my partner, or more.

That changed this year. Completely by accident.

A few years back I purchased a van for our (then) larger family. Before I could get it paid off the transmission died. So I replaced it. The engine died. So I replaced it. Then the transmission died… again. I rushed out and purchased a vehicle from a REAL piece of shit car guy… my wife’s ex.

Now, you’re probably thinking to yourself… “Reverend Blink… Why on EARTH would you do that?!” Right? Well, my wife convinced me the guy was a good guy. That everything I knew about him had changed. That despite me telling her that every interaction she had with him should be recorded and logged… he was a good guy now.

Guess what.

He isn’t.

I was right.

I wish I wasn’t because the chaos he has wreaked in my life goes FAR beyond selling me another lemon. But… that’s a story for another blog post.

So… I’m in debt for this crappy dying van and I go further in debt for a questionable van from Captain Dickless. It turns out within 6 months the van starts to bleed through as yet one more stain on Captain Dickless’es dark and shitty soul.

I spend roughly $1500 on repairs for it within a 6 month period. But it doesn’t end there… the transmission finally dies.

I’m not doing another transmission swap-a-roo.

So the wife and I head out to see if any suckers… er, Car Dealerships will put us in a vehicle that might run longer than a few weeks. The Honda Dealership tries but they don’t want to offer us anything but $30-50k vehicles… *facepalm* I try to explain we need a $5-15k price range. They politely don’t care. Oddly enough, I’m approved for $30k car?! We don’t take it, obviously.

So I head to Keystone Chevrolet. I tell them I just need something that I don’t have to worry about. It needs to seat Me, my wife, our daughter, and occasionally my mother-in-law and a sister-in-law.

They roll up in a 2015 Chevy Malibu… this thing has built in Wi-Fi for fucks sake. I’m flumoxxed. It’s $16k, so not awesome… but it’s affordable.

So I get it… on January 1st, 2018… New Year… New Car… New Life… Right?

( wheezing laughter… coughing… more coughing… holds hand up… wheezing… more coughing )

Oh no… We make it 3 months. My personal best…

So we are in the left lane, turning in to a McDonalds for breakfast one morning, and someone comes flying OUT of the McDonalds and rams into the back of us. Nobody is hurt. The car is barely scratched up. The insurance company says it’ll be about $600 and pays us $600. My wife has to leave the state with her mother within a few days tho. No WAY we can get this fixed right now.

So after a 3 week ordeal with my wife stuck in Missouri caring for her mother post-op in what was SUPPOSED to be a 1 week ordeal that became 3… my wife is home. We are trying to figure out when we can get the car in to get it fixed when I forget to lock my doors one night.

Some ass clown climbed into my car, took $50 worth of cables, $600 worth of Prescription sunglasses, roughly $20 in change, and who-knows-what-else.

Fuck me… this is ridiculous.

We make it another week or so and as my wife is driving through a parking lot someone backs out of a space into my wife demolishing the entire passenger side of the car… $4k worth of damage.

It’s 2 weeks later today, the 25th of June, and the insurance company is still debating the liability of this issue. But now I’m driving a Mad Max vehicle reading for a gatling gun mount.

What the ever loving fuck?!

I just want to have something that doesn’t get demolished, burned, broken, hurt, or stolen, for more than a few months… Maybe even a whole year?

Anyway, I’m fairly certain that the insurance company will make the right decision… we’ll get the car repaired and put back together… and life will resume. But this is a nice example of why my household isn’t allowed nice things.

Because life is a friggin jerk.

Oh… and so is my wife’s ex… Yeah, you. You’re a fucking asshole douche canoe…


Peace, Love and Boating

Because life is a friggin jerk.

Oh… and so is my wife’s ex… Yeah, you. You’re a fucking asshole douche canoe…


Peace, Love and Boating

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